The Truth For All You Out There To See.......

You know you never know if a person has changed.. I can say that I used to be a different person not the best person in the world I was a completely different person and well I put on a show for everyone.. Because I was afraid that people wouldn't except me for me.. I know longer care what anyone says or thinks if you ask me something I'm gonna tell you the truth no more pretending.. It is hard for me to say this but I have for so long lied to everyone and I feel as if no one knows the real me I finally after years showed the real me when I found someone who made me comfortable and that as if I didn't have to hide and pretend to be someone I am not.. It felt so great to be able to want to change and so everyone the kind and good-hearted person I can be so for once I am going to put the truth out there about everything in my life and the whole truth of my life for everyone to see. And to be honest I could careless what any of you think or say about me and if you don't like what I say in this well its my life and I don't regret any of it has made me the person I am today who is not the one I was just 2 years ago.. It started out in Ohio I when my parents divorced and my Mom didn't come around as much I felt as if I was not good enough to her to be her daughter and then to find out that I had been lied to my whole life that the man I thought was my father was not and that she hadn't even told my real father she was pregnant so I then felt very alone as if I had no one.. And then the search began to find where I came from.. I felt like I had been living a lie and as if I was not wanted by either one of them... Then Things just seemed to move on and then The man who raised me Larry deiced that he was moving to Arizona and I at the time did not want to move 2000 miles away.. So I made the really hard decision to move in with her Husband and my little sister.. Which after about a year became very uncomfortable because her now ex-husband always was making me uncomfortable and he had tried to test me by putting a pipe and what was cloves which he made me think was marijuana which made things very weird.. Then one of my best friend Jennifer Lucas was murdered and things at that time became very difficult at that time I made the decision to move to Wickenburg Arizona.. So on January 20th 2000 I landed in Arizona and made it my new home.. I still had the empty feeling inside and then I tried to fill it with drinking and hanging out with people.. I still could not fill that empty feeling and somewhere in those thoughts I thought that getting pregnant and having a baby would fill that empty feeling.. I thought if I had a baby it would be someone to love me because my whole life I thought no one truly loved me.. So then I met a man named Jason who promised me everything and then found out I was pregnant with my son.. I then found out that Jason was not a good person and was cheating on me with several women and he began stealing things from me and my family to buy his drugs.. It hurt me deeply and it just felt as another let down with bruised my heart even more it just felt as if someone else didn't love mean as if I wasn't good enough for anyone's love.. He promised to change we moved and I found out I was pregnant with my Daughter Brianna. I soon after she found out he was sleeping with several women in Wickenburg and had several other children.. I then left moved back in with my grandmother in Phoenix.. I then began doing drugs and hit rock bottom.. I then met a guy named Joe and he made me feel better as if the past 4 years of my life could be erased.. And after Knowing him one day I married him and got clean and started working then found out I was again pregnant with my daughter Caleigh.. then while I was still pregnant Joe would watch my other kids I came home from work one day to find my daughter Brianna with pinpoint marks on her face and missing hair in spots and large bumps on her head and to find out the man I was in love with had beat her and then CPS came in to my life.. My husband was arrested and I was so hurt that someone could do that to my child to this day I still don't understand.. I left him and vowed to never be hurt like that again.. But like always I felt alone and had started to use again and decided that it was time for me to get clean again.. I still like always felt alone and as if no one loved me but the cycle again started I met a man named Erik and started a relationship and he helped me alot I got clean and have stayed clean for almost 7 years now.. But that's not where it ended I was still dealing with CPS and seeing my 3 children when I found out that Erik and I where going to have a child Kayla my sunlight at the end of the tunnel.. I was then scared that CPS was going to take her away and I was already lost so at that time I made the choice to move to Texas and let my oldest children be adopted by family the hardest choice I made was to leave them But I feel it was the best choice I was always searching for someone to love me when I was the one who needed to love them and do what was best for them.. I then started working for a Hotel in Texas when I had Kayla.. I then felt I had changed my life living with Kayla's Dad and doing the family thing and working my butt off.. I then made the choice that I had changed enough and moved back to Arizona with my company but I was lying to myself and everyone else.. The empty and unloved feeling was still there so I began making up lies to coworkers and everyone because I just wanted to be loved and happy.. I was not happy with my life or my family so I would lie to my boyfriend at the time it was only toward the last year we where together I just no long had that feeling of wanting to be with him.. So I began trying again to fill that void and began seeing a guy named Jimmy and became pregnant once again and tried to make my then boyfriend believe it was his child which was wrong.. I then began to talk to someone I have known my whole life Bobby Meadows.. He was the only person I ever felt as if I could be myself and I had for once dropped the fake me and opened up to him and he as well opened up to me.. I was still pretending in my own little world lying to my then boyfriend and not telling him what I was doing and he had started to figure out and then finally things came to ahead and blew up in my face.. He and I then split it was very messy truly because I at the time was seeing Bobby and wanting to be with him it became very messy with our Daughter and I had made the decision that I was going to move back to Ohio with Bobby and that made My ex very mad.. I moved back to Ohio to try and find the real me and to be with Bobby the only person who has seen the real me and takes me for who I am.. Where I had my son Sawyer who was the son of the fling Jimmy I was seeing I knew I was not ready for another child I needed to get my life together I choose to give him up for adoption to have a better life.. I then Lied to erik about the child because for my selfish reasons did not want him to know I cheated on him.. I for once am happy and just trying to correct all my wrongs I have lied alot in my life and done alot of wrongs.. But all I can do is say I am sorry to everyone who has ever been caught in my crosshairs I am taking credit for everything and now see how in life can become so horrible over lies and deceit.. I am glad I have figured out how to move on and be able to change my ways and choose in life to no longer live that way and to let everyone see the real me.. And not have to pretend to be something I am not I am not perfect and who knows if I ever will be.. Who in life is perfect I choose to live a life with the person who's see's all of me and we have a loving relationship and fills the void.. I don't care if anyone chooses to believe if I have changed or not because I know I have.. I don't care if anyone believes if we are happy or not because I know we are and I know all the hard things we have gone threw in life brought us together.. So needless to say I am sorry for all the pain I have ever inflicted on anyone I am trying to move on and be the good person I can be.. I will always be grateful for all the advice and pointers from my wonderful fiance he has truly showed me that I need to just move on and not let anyone effect me and that I am the only one who can fill the empty feeling I have deep down inside.. So thank you everyone for listening...Tamra Jean Mattox....

So I missed a couple Days....

Okay so Bob has started school in the mornings which is gonna take some getting used to.. Kayla and I did a bunch of crafts we made tons of her hair flowers we also decorated some flip flops with ribbon and beads. She has been playing like a good girl all morning in her bed room so I have been cleaning up and watching some tv. Looks like I will be making a trip out today to do some shopping which sounds great. I have a lot of new coupons well hope everyone is having a good day... Until next time Bobs and Tams....

Thursday fun day.......

So woke up and got Bobs stuff ready for school and got him off to school. So we have been having problems with the car and then found out if you push it for some reason the car will start weird I know so I took it to get Kayla last night. Well that was an adventure. It started off okay and when we where coming home and I heard a noise and I though I was getting a flat and started to get off and the entire tire blew off.. Lucky a roadside guy and drove by at the same time and stopped It was good seeing how I didn't have a spare and He went and got a new tire and changed it so its up and running again and Bob took it to school today.. Well when we got home Kayla was so ready to see her new room she was very happy. She kept telling us I love my new room thank you your the best Mommy... So Happy she liked it and I'm excited to spend the week with my Babygirl. I'm also excited that I am not stuck at the house and can get out to do stuff since I have a lot of coupons to use I cant wait to go use them. Me and Kayla have a lot planned this up coming week and can't wait to go do them we are gonna go to the Zoo on Monday. I also have a lot of chores to do need to get the Garage cleaned up so Bob has room to work on vehicles and all his projects. I have been trying to work out a lot and this morning Kayla and I did Zumba. We are cleaning now and we had to water the grass but now it looks like it's gonna rain so it's going to get over watered... So until next time That's all from Bobs and Tams Hope everyone has a bright and fun weekend....

Today is a great day around the house ....

Today I go and get Babygirl.. Well I got home and got a lot done last night.. I finished Kayla Rays new room and got her bed up and her new bed set on for her when she comes home today.. I did the guest bedroom to as well and got it done... All I have left to do in her room is to put the mirror on her new dresser hang up her pictures and then put the mattress on the top bunk and then put the matching bed set on it is going to be such a great room..I can not wait for her to come home and see it she will be so amazed my little girl is so spoiled. I love doing things with Kayla and getting surprises ready for her...It is so sweet to see that precious little face light up.. Well I will post pics of her new room...And as always I hope everyone has a great day and Until Next time Bobs and Tams.......

Her wonderful new bed that's big girl status.....

This little girl has so many toy's...She loves her rocking chair...

This is her new dresser it is missing the mirror it's not on there yet...

The matching night stand she is gonna love this....

I really love this bed set its so cute and if you look under the bed you will see a diva in the making cause she has so many flip~flops in every color and tons of skater shoe's lol spoiled much....

Last Night Was My Night Out.....

So I just woke up got the stuff ready for Bob to go to school and he is off to another day of school.. Well last night I went out and saw my friend LeeAnn and we went shopping and out to eat at Denny's it was fun we also took a little rode trip to Ahwatukee To meet Amanda and we all went shopping and looking around. It is really nice out there well I found some of the Paris Hilton perfume called Fairy Dust for 4.00 and it is normally 28.00 so it was a good deal I also picked up some makeup and stuff to make some more crafts. Hopefully the stuff that I ordered from Walmart will come fex ex today so that I can get Kayla's new room fixed We got her a big girl bed it is a Full size bunk bed and we got her a beautiful bed set.. So I hope that it comes today that way when she gets here tomorrow it will be all set up for her. Today is going to be a cleaning and trying to fix the house up some day. Well the backyard is almost completely done we got all the sod for free from the sod they throw out at home depot and it all has turned green again it is amazing. I will post pics once it is all done and post pics of Kayla's room as well. So I have a long day ahead of me so lots of Love everyone and until next time Farewell from The life of Bobs and Tams

Aug. 22 2011

So today started out wonderful lol jk I didn't get up to go with Bob so I could have a day out of the house. Well its Monday so the honey is back at school for the week what a bummer I love spending the days with him. Well at least he is only gone 5 hours of the day. But now I'm just getting my coupons ready to go to the store tonight. Well I hope everyone has a great day I'm gonna go water the grass and then attempt to clean the house and maybe do some reading and so research on how to fix some broken things around here well all in all everyone have a great day....

A New Day....With a fresh start...

So a lot has happened since I last blogged I will try from here on to keep daily up dates seeing as how I don't have as much going on just waiting to start school at GCC in January.. I have started doing a lot of crafts and I have been extreme couponing which blows my mind as to way I have never done this before. I have started a stock pile and I thought it would take awhile to get a lot of stuff stored up But now barely 3 months in the closet I started out to fill has become over flowed and now I am starting to pile things in our spare bedroom.. Just to name some things I have in the closet 200 bars of soap, 30 mens body wash, 20 axe deodorant,30 women's suave deodorant, 30 Shampoo and 30 Condition, 200 razors, and 10 12-packs of toilet paper, 200 dog canned food, 20 box laundry soap, 10 liquid laundry soap, 10 8-packs of paper towels..and that's just to name a few things. And I have spend only about 50 dollars total on all the stuff. I have also started making the girls hair flower bows and love it and I will start selling them on ebay soon. Bob and I have been doing very good we seem to have everything do to the tee and everything is moving smoothly there has been a few bumps but they haven't slowed us down. We will be having to wait to have our wedding seeing as the date has already come and gone Bob's divorce couldn't be finished because is soon to be ex could not keep herself from getting pregnant and no its not Bobs he has been 2,000 miles away but the court would not grant the divorce with her being pregnant. So we could get married but it was fine with us we just moved the date till next year it will give us more time to plan and have a much better wedding it will be both of our dream wedding and we both will be Happy unlike at our first weddings. We both have a say this time and will have a kick ass reception with everyone partying and not bored outta there minds. But enough on that We have had a lot of fun lately spending time with each other things we have had some outings we went craft shopping together yesterday getting things for both of our hobby's Bob has been doing very good in school he has also picked up some new friends from school. He has also been very supportive of me and done a lot of romantic stuff. I have also begun to read a series of books called the vampire academy they are very good. So all in all things are going great and like always we aren't letting anyone get us down. Well hope all of you are doing good and will write tomorrow..Until then have a great day.

Those are pics of my last shopping trip got all that stuff for 9.49 so my addiction continues lol....

Cheers to The New Me..

Okay so everyone knows sometimes you gain some weight here and there. Well I have decided that I would like to loose some weight. Even though my honey has told me again and again that I don't need to I just would like to for myself. So as of yesterday I started my diet and exercise I can already feel the burn lol. My goals are to loose 65 pounds in 15 week and that will be before October 14th. I feel like I want to be completely healthy for my future husband and I really want to be in shape for my college graduation in the end of October. I just am so happy with my honey we do have our ups and downs but he makes me completely happy. And even though we have had alot of things going wrong with all the stuff with Bobs divorce we just make due with what we have. Its just hard to understand how people cant just move on and let someone be happy. But it will be over soon and we will have are time to spend our lives together as husband and wife. People who try to mess up others lives only suffer in the end so we will just sit her and be happy we have each other whatever you do wont hurt us just make us closer and stronger and in the end you will suffer the return of all that you have dealt out and I'm happy to say I won't be any where close cause that will be one big mess.
Until next time Tams and Bobs...

Just Having a little fun!!!!

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Another long week down>>>>

So the end of our last mod has ended and we got our grades well I had a 4.0 and Bob finished with a 3.0. So I am extremely excited to move on for another mod I only have 3 more months and I will be done. Then I will be on to study at Glendale Community College where I think I am going to go into studying to be a RN. Well on another note we have been having so much fun lately we have so many plans for the future and cant seem to pick the things we want to do when lol thats the story of my life. I am glad to have such a great man to take care of me. I don't think I have ever loved someone so much and had such a wonderful relationship. Its like I wake up every morning and look at him and just know how everything is gonna be ok for the rest of my life. He is what gets me through everyday knowing how wonderful of a life we have and even though we do have everything I want and could have imagined I would be just as happy if we only had each other and nothing. But anyways Im just rubbing in how great of a man I have I think about what would have happen if We had not got together 3 years ago. But the fact that it has been our destiny to be together since we where little the fact that we have a picture of us standing in front of a sign together when we where little that says for early weddings just proves it to me. Well we both had to go threw a horrible marriage to get to each other All of can say about that is that it was to make prepared for each other. But I'm just going on and on so thats it for now. Until next time hope everyone is doing great!!!!! LoVe BoB AnD TaM>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Extremely excited for the future!!!!

So it has been a few since I have been on here. Things are just moving along so fast we just finished another mod in school. We have been having so much fun with the kids we took them a couple weeks ago to the zoo it was so much fun and this past weekend we took them to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean it was great And Saturday will be our Baby girls 3rd birthday have so much planned. And we have been doing so much lately it has been a whirlpool of stuff. So for once it seems like everything is coming together. We have been working so hard on school it is so hard to believe that in 2 months I will be done with my degree but its right back to school after for the next degree it is so awesome to finally be doing something with my life. We have such an amazing life it is awesome to know we have such great stuff and a beautiful home to come home to. I love the fact that all those who thought so little now see how wrong they where and I bet it hurts to know how shitty there life will always been and then to see how amazing the one you ditched is doing well sorry cause no room for your stupid shit in our amazing wonderful life now you get to be white trash like you are. I bet it hurts to know you will never have what we do and that you will be poor for the rest of your life and have to steal everything for yourself oh wait you already do and have gotten caught before. Well sorry everyone just needed to vent. Im going to go back to snuggling with the love of my life my sexy ass jedi who takes amazing care of me and our babygirl Ray Ray is so happy we just finished the back yard for her she has amazing grass back there now cant wait for our amazing wedding we will be getting married in Ohio as soon as we get everything taken care of We should be having the wedding at my Grandmas and Grandpa Church and my grandpa will hopefully be the pastor marring us its great to have such an amazing family!!!!!! Well till next time  hope everyone is doing great and let us know how you are feel free to write us we really miss everyone!!!!!
                                                                      Love,
                                               Robert Meadows and Tamra Meadows
  

March 2011

So the months of this year are moving by quickly I have been in school for 2 months now. I am doing amazing I have a 3.0 but after my test today I'm not so sure because I know I did not do well. But Bob has been watching all that I have been doing and has become very interested in it and has now signed up for school as well. I will be graduating in October of this year I am very proud and can not wait. I have already received to state qualifications at school it made me very proud. We have been doing weekly massages to relieve the stress of all the craziness with Bobs divorce I can see he just wants it over so we can move on it seems to overwhelm us because we had planned on getting married in August we have decided that whenever we do it will be fine. I already have my dress so it will be ready I will post pics of it I love it so much it is so fairy tale wedding dress. Kayla is getting so big its hard to believe she will be 3 in 2 months.Kayla just got a wonderful new play place for the backyard. We have so many things planned for the next few months we have been busy bodies and will be for quite awhile. We will being going to Ohio in April to see my father who after 25 years I found and got great news from the DNA test that he was my father. So I will be meeting him for the first time. We wont have much time so we will not be seeing anyone but him and all his family. We have been slowly finishing the back yard. Meika is loving that playing in the dirt. It is really all coming together. We have slowly acquired a lot of the home furnishing we need and the blank walls have begun to fill up with pictures and decorations it feels great to finally make a home with someone I truly want to share my life with. We have had so much fun the past few months so many things we have done we seem to take as much time as we can to do fun things my favorite is the glow in the dark bowling we do on Friday nights. We are trying as well to join a bowling league it was something I did growing up and Bob did as well its in our blood. My ball had to get drilled so my fingers fit in it and got my name put on it. It is a really colorful ball I ordered a pair of converse bowling shoes how awesome is that. We also have been trying to make plans to go to the wildlife zoo with Kayla it is about 2 miles away from us. We are also trying to plan a Vegas Trip for some time this summer. We have also invested in Season passes for the water park so if anyone wants to come visit we have family and friend tickets! So moving along Bob has been doing so much lately he has been brainstorming on many ideas for the back yard and our house. He has been helping Kayla grow a garden he planted tomatos and several different flowers with her in the backyard. He has started to build a pond for fish in the backyard with Kayla so she can have fishy's. He will be started school for Medical Billing on the 23 of this month he really became so interested when he was doing it with me and helping me with my homework he saw how good he was at it!!. It makes me so proud of him for going back to school I know he would have finished before if he wouldn't have been distracted with things. But its a different situation now and has me to love and support him. He has decided that once he is done with school for Medical Billing he is going to go for Cooking so he can be a chef because he is such a great cook. I see have incredibly he has changed since we have distanced our self's from everyone the drama has completely died down and we are much more comfortable now. I love that we can just do things and worry about each other and not have to listen to everyone else thoughts it only each others that matter. He has been doing alot more things and I think as long as we stick to our family things will be great. I'm glad to have someone to call my other half and know that he is all I want and the man I will spend the rest of my life with. Its sad that we have had to cut some family out I don't want it that way and never did. I guess thats what happens though some people cant see the good in other people. I have always given people a chance until they do wrong or prove that they are unworthy of my chances. But I am just rambling on now so everything is amazing I wish alot of other people could have been along for the ride but everyone makes there own choices and even if they are the wrong ones its to late to fix or correct them so we must move on and be thankful for the great and amazing people we have in our lives. I am truly thankful for my wonderful Fiance who has always supported and been there for me (well most of the time he was lol). I truly hope everyone is good and are happy with all the choices they have made with their loved ones. Until Next Time Future Mrs. Robert Meadows. I will post pics next time just wanted to give a little update.

Valentines Day

So its been about a month since i have updated!!! We are moving along very quickly. I have been in school for a month now and moving along very quickly. I am in the top of my class very proud of it. Bob and i have been doing alot lately he is currently remodeling our entire backyard it is wonderful. I am so lucky to have such a great man in my life. Tonight is gonna be great we are going out for a couples massage and then diner. I am going to post a few new pics. Hope all is well with everyone.

                                                               Miss Ray Ray

                                                   The back yard all tore up

                                                      I cant wait till its finished

                                                        Us playing hockey on coyote ice

                                                             Bob shooting a goal

                                                                 Down on the ice

                                                                  Kayla at the game

                                                          Kayla and her Bobs

                                                                       Me and Monkey

                                                                  Bobs and monkey
 

                                                             Howling for the Coyotes

                                                                  Me and Monkey!!!!

Coyotes Game 1/15/2011

So today started out slow I slept in. Then we went to the Phoenix Coyotes game against The Ducks. The perks of holding season tickets to the Coyotes. The game was so much fun. The Ducks sure got it handed to them The final score was Coyotes 6 Ducks 2 what a killing the coyotes did. The games are so much fun so much energy to them!!!! Gotta get up early tomorrow got alot of stuff to do!!!! Here are some pics from the game!!!!!